Mindset Monday - Empathy
“The highest form of knowledge is empathy” – Bill Bullard
Understanding the person across from you is the single most important piece of leverage in any meeting, sales pitch, negotiation….well, pretty much any human interaction where collaboration or agreement is required.
We often get caught up in the pace of the world and try to shortcut our way to the desired result in the interest of time and “efficiency”. We are waiting for our turn to talk and to provide our solution. Especially when we have been in the business for a long time and know exactly what to say next. We have seen the conversation 100, maybe 1000 times, and know exactly what we need to say to move the client along. It works in most cases and we save ourselves that precious 3 minutes. The result however in the long run is shallower relationships and less connection to the client. We will close the sale, but the rate at which we are referred, and how willing they are to go out of their way to tell other about us decreases.
I am guilty of it myself. I have so many reasons I need to move on to the next task. So many things pulling at my attention and time. Its easy to justify cutting corners in conversations.
What I found is that being more efficient with empathy can help you be more efficient with your time, but the quality of the interactions and outcomes improved.
We don’t ask enough questions. Specifically we don’t ask why enough. I don’t mean in the challenging way “why should I do that” but in the context that makes the counterpart elaborate on why a decision or purchase is important to them. We do what we do every day so we feel that we know why the client is taking the action. So we don’t always give them enough space in the conversation to tell us in their own words why.
People trust who they can talk to and share ideas with. The more they share, the more they trust you. The more you show an interest in understanding their motivations, the more likely they are to cooperate with your process. They know you understand them, and their goals, if you are leading them in a specific direction, they trust it is toward those goals.
Be careful not to mistake empathy for sympathy. We can share opposing ideas and understand why someone may have those ideas. its empathy that allows us to better argue our perspective.
A suggestion for this week. Find ways to ask why. More than once. Ask why someone feels the way they do about buying/selling/refinancing. You might have to practice it a bit, but I can tell you at around answers 2-3 you start to get to the good stuff. Be tactful of course, but build your why questions into your next consultation. After question 2 or 3 rounds of asking them why they are motivated to make the decision they are making or take the action they are taking, the real answer will start to come out. The one connected to their values and beliefs. The reason and motivation that is really driving them. We can infer it, but them saying it out loud, to you, takes the conversation in a whole new direction, and a new level of trust is established.
If you have questions or want to role play this, let me know!
My mom always said I was born in the Y (Why) generation. I always had to ask why instead of just listening. Guess we both had a point.
Written by Chris Catania
Chris Catania entered the mortgage industry in 2005. As a seasoned Branch Manager and coach at Fairway, Chris has consistently been at the forefront of providing, creative problem solving, exceptional service and tailored financial solutions. His commitment to excellence and deep understanding of the mortgage landscape have made him a trusted advisor and a leading figure in the field.
Beyond his professional achievements, Chris is a Army veteran, devoted husband and father. He is an avid outdoorsman and hunter. Chris also brings his leadership experience and skills to the community as a coach, where he mentors individuals, teaching them the values of teamwork, discipline, accountability and perseverance. Chris Catania's blend of professional acumen, family dedication, and community involvement truly sets him apart as a respected professional and valued community member.
