My goal for each of you is to help you be as successful as you want to be. So, today we’re kicking off this new series with one of my favorite topics: human psychology and how to ethically leverage our innate humanness to build strong referral partnerships.

In this 3-minute read I’m breaking down one of the most potent ethical life hacks that you should be using in your business right now… and I’ll give you a quick formula so you can become a Master Jedi by the end of this email.

One of my favorite scenes in Star Wars is when old Ben Kenobi tells the Storm troopers, “These are not the droids you’re looking for.”

The Storm trooper readily agrees – “These are not the droids we’re looking for.”

(SPOILER ALERT: They were totally the droids they were looking for.)

If you’re not familiar with Star Wars, that’s okay. This scene in the movie gives the audience their first glimpse into one of the most feared powers of a Jedi, mind control. It also shows that, even amidst a heavily one-sided war with the Empire (a.k.a. Darth Vader), a couple of regular Joes can change the world.

So, how do you, a regular Joe, master a Jedi Mind Trick without the added benefit of a script and a director?

Simple. In real life we can quickly, efficiently, and effectively influence those around us by leveraging the Law of Reciprocity.

In his book, Influence: The Psychology of Persuasion, author Robert Cialdini identified Reciprocity as the first universal principle in the power of ethical persuasion.

Simply put, reciprocity is when someone often feels obligated to give back to others in the form of a behavior, gift, or service that they have received first.

Imagine this scenario…

You’re running late for an important meeting. As you approach the building, a stranger reaches out and opens the door for you. How kind! Making your way into the vestibule you notice there’s another set of doors blocking your way.

What would you do?

If you’re like most people, you open the door for the stranger behind you to repay their kindness – even though you’re running late.

In that microcosm of life, you’ve felt the unique push and pull of Reciprocity.

So, how do you leverage Reciprocity in your business?

Let’s strip this down to the nuts and bolts… I’m going to focus specifically on Referral Partners in my example below; but this would work for anyone with whom you want to build a positive, deep connection.

Think of Reciprocity as a bank account. As with most bank accounts, you must make a deposit before you can make a withdrawal.

Each of your referral partners is a different bank – each of them paying a different yield for your investment – and we want to diversify our investments! So, start off by making deposits in the accounts with the highest yields (the ones most likely to send you referrals.)

Every time you do something positive to or add value to your referral partners, you’re making a deposit into their Reciprocity Account.

These actions include but are not limited to…

Saving deals
Sending leads
Inviting to events
Training
Having meals/drinks
Inviting to webinars
Sending books
Coaching
Praise
Pop-by
Cookies/muffins/cupcakes
Liking/Commenting on social media
Calling just to check on them

Basically, anything that creates dopamine (happy chemical) to be released in their brain. And… after doing this once or twice, this is where an average loan officer would stop.

“I did something nice for you in 2020, now you’re obligated to send me all of your leads for the rest of your life!”

However, that’s where they’re missing a critical element of the Law of Reciprocity.

Every time your referral partner reacts positively to you – i.e., sends you a referral – they are making a deduction from their Reciprocity Account and transferring it to your account.

That nice thing you did for them last week, their debt to you, has been satisfied. Your Reciprocity Balance has been reduced.

I like to call this the “Reciprocity Return Rate.”

And, if you don’t continue to make deposits – guess what? Your referral partner will continue to reduce your Reciprocity Balance with smaller and smaller returns (a.k.a. positive actions) until your Balance hits the negative. Then they will either (a) find someone who has a higher Reciprocity Balance with them than you or (b) begin to resent you – which in today’s world looks an awful lot like referral partners who ghost you (virtually disappearing off the face of the planet.)

Here’s a quick warning.

While yes, some referral partners do have Overdraft Protection... Some don’t. Without putting your relationships in jeopardy – there isn’t a clear way to tell until it’s too late. For many referral partners, the question in the back of their minds isn’t, “What have you done for me?” it is “What have you done for me LATELY?”

So, just like retirement planning… Make your Reciprocity deposits early, often, and consistently!

You’ve read this far and you’re likely thinking, “Josh, you promised me a formula and instead gave me a bunch of metaphors! What gives?!”

Alright, alright! Here’s your formula…

Your Reciprocity Balance With Your Referral Partner > Your Referral Partner’s Reciprocity Return Rate

In plain language, your Reciprocity Balance must be greater than your Referral Partner’s rate of return for you to continue to receive quality referrals from them. That means that there’s an intrinsic value to creating a system around referral partner follow-up and creating on-going, perpetual value in your relationship.

This system could be automated through a CRM, or a simple checklist you follow every week to insure you’re being consistent. It only has to be as complicated as you want it to be!

Now that you, too, are a Master Jedi – use your mind control wisely.