On a recent coaching call, I spoke with a top-producing originator who found themselves caught in the comparison trap. They were fixated on the units and volume achieved by others in our company, perceiving their own accomplishments as inferior. However, when we dug deeper, a striking realization emerged: they were actually earning more money in fewer hours than those they were comparing themselves to. Their life goals and circumstances were also significantly different from their peers. This moment of clarity reminded me how easy it is to fall into the trap of comparing apples to oranges—and how damaging it can be.

We are all guilty of playing the comparison game at some point. Whether it’s in our careers, personal lives, or social media feeds, it’s tempting to measure our success against the achievements of others. But this approach is often misleading and harmful. Here are some steps to overcome the comparison trap and reclaim a healthier perspective on success:

1. Define Your Own Goals

The first step to escaping the comparison trap is understanding your own life goals. What truly matters to you? What makes you shine from the inside? Take time to reflect on what drives you to do more, be more, and give more. Success should align with your authentic self, not someone else’s version of achievement.

Ask yourself:

What are my priorities in this season of life?
How do I want to spend my time and energy?
What values guide my decisions?

When you’re clear about your goals, you’re less likely to be swayed by external benchmarks that don’t resonate with your values.

2. Change the Station

We live in a world flooded with messages that often contradict our personal goals. Whether it’s industry rankings, social media highlights, or unsolicited advice, these messages can amplify feelings of inadequacy. When this happens, it’s time to change the station or, in some cases, hit the mute button.

You don’t have to internalize everything you hear. Consider adopting the THINK framework for the words you speak and the messages you receive:

True: Is this information accurate?
Helpful: Does it add value to my life?
Inspiring: Does it motivate me in a positive way?
Necessary: Is it relevant to my journey?
Kind: Does it come from a place of care and respect?

If the message doesn’t meet these criteria, let it pass through instead of holding onto it.

3. Take the Story Further

When comparing yourself to others, dig deeper into the full story. What context or nuances might you be overlooking? For example, the originator I coached had overlooked the fact that their peers worked significantly more hours, and spent far more money to achieve their volume. Additionally, their personal and professional goals were entirely different.

Remember:

People often showcase their highlights, not their struggles.
Success looks different for everyone depending on their circumstances and aspirations.

Instead of focusing on someone else’s headline numbers, evaluate the bigger picture—your journey, progress, and the trade-offs you’re willing (or unwilling) to make.

4. Use Your Own Measuring Stick

Finally, be sure that the measuring stick you’re using is one you created, not one imposed by someone else’s beliefs or values. Success isn’t one-size-fits-all. It’s deeply personal and should reflect what’s most important to you.

Here are some questions to guide you:

Am I measuring success in a way that aligns with my goals and values?
Is this standard helping or hindering my growth?
How can I celebrate my unique achievements?

When you create your own definition of success, you’ll find it easier to appreciate your progress and stay focused on what truly matters.

The comparison trap is a pervasive challenge, but awareness is the first step to overcoming it. By defining your goals, tuning out unhelpful messages, seeking deeper context, and using your own measuring stick, you can break free from its grip. Success isn’t about how you stack up against others; it’s about living in alignment with your values and creating a life that fulfills you. Remember, the only person you need to measure up to is yourself.